Lemon Death

This one’s something to make about once a year, and to have lots of friends around to help you eat, because it’s all about being special. I picked this one up from a coffee shop I worked for when I was in college. They’ve since gone out of business – probably due to killing their customers off with such rich food as this:

Artery-Coating Lemon Cake:

• 5 Lemons
• 2 Cups Granulated Sugar
• 1¼ Cups Buttermilk
• 4 Eggs
• 3 Cups White Flour
• 1¾ tsp Baking Powder
• 1 tsp Baking Soda
• ¼ tsp Salt
• ¾ Cup Unsalted Butter, melted

1. Mix Butter and Sugar until smooth. Add eggs one at a time, while mixing with a hand mixer. Set mixture aside
2. Process Lemon Peels in food processor until the pieces are smaller than grains of rice – they should almost seem like a coarse flour.
3. Mix Lemon Peels with remaining dry ingredients.
4. Mix one third of the dry mixture into the creamed, then mix in one half of the buttermilk, then one third or the dry mixture again, then the remaining buttermilk followed by the remaining dry mixture.
5. Pour into 2 greased 9″x5″ pyrex loaf pans. Bake at 325°F for 50 to 55 minutes. Allow to cool in the pans before removing to a platter, not to a cooling rack.
6. Juice some of the lemons and mix juice with some sugar. Glaze cooled, sliced cakes with this mixture to taste.

Warning: Failure to follow the steps will result in utter failure! This is a suspension cake – which means that it won’t ordinarily come together to make a cake, but will result in something far from anything edible! It is important that each grain of sugar be coated in butter and then egg, and that each granule of lemon is coated with flour. In this manner, the particles are suspended. Over-mixing will destroy this suspension, as will trying to rush the thing together. Just follow the directions!

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